Confidence

Hi, my name is Nicole, and I'm obsessed with lipstick.

Anyone who knows me in 'real life' will know that this is true. I guess it started around the time we went to sixth form, because we didn't have uniform requirements and could therefore be a little more 'adventurous' than in years 7-11.

My favourite lipstick colour to this day is a classic postbox red, and I wore this to sixth form most days. Not everyday, but most days. I will pretty much always wear a red lip on nights out and for special occasions, and over time it has sort of become my trademark.

But the reason I started wearing it at all is not what you may think. It was not just a case of me liking the colour and wanting to wear it, for me it was so much more than that. It was about confidence. Anyone who knows me well will know that I am painfully shy and always have been. I am terrible at making conversation and I am perfectly happy sitting in silence with people unless I'm directly spoken to. I would rather listen than talk, and that's the way it's always been for me. So I started wearing red lipstick as a way of faking the confidence that I thought I should have had.

I can't remember for the life of me where I heard this from, but I read or heard somewhere a piece of advice that went: 'sometimes you just have to fake it to make it.' And this has always kinda stuck with me. I had just started sixth form, I was just turning eighteen, and I was surrounded by my friends, who were so beautiful, so confident and so self-assured, and I've just never been that way. So I faked it. I would wear my red lipstick and attempt to convince everyone that I had at least a shred of self-confidence, even though I didn't. On the days when I felt the most crap about myself, those are the days that I would make the most effort.

I faked it. And I continue faking it to this day. Self-confidence isn't something that I have in spades, so faking it has become part of my daily routine. Sometimes you've just gotta fake it to make it, and if you can't convince yourself, then you won't be able to convince anyone else.